Leave, Change or Accept

Relationships are hard work, especially the romantic kind. And being in a relationship where one partner is unfaithful is even harder.
Everyone can agree that it is not nice to think of the possibility that your partner is unfaithful to you.
In his book “the Power of Now”, Eckhart Tolle has a saying that I think is one of the best ways to deal with difficult situations like this. He says: ”When you complain you make yourself a
victim. Leave the situation, change the situation or accept the situation.”
I will give my view of this saying in the case of relationships where one partner is unfaithful.

The most popular way to deal with an unfaithful partner is to pack your bags and leave the relationship. It is mostly the first reaction people have when they find out that there is someone else they are sharing their partner with. This reaction is cheered on by romantic movies, where you are depicted as a strong woman if you kick the unfaithful partner to the curb and go build yourself a new life. I truly understand that reaction. It is also the most natural reaction to being hurt. You pack up and run from the problem.

The second way to go about it is to change the situation. I agree that it is hard to change a cheating
partner. A popular saying is “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” But sometime it is not the other person who has to change, but you yourself need to make a change. You can try to find out why your partner is unfaithful and see if you can do something about it. Let’s be honest, a lot of us change once we are settled. At the start of the relationship we were watching our weight, always looked pretty and did everything to comfort and coax our partner. Too often women get comfortable once they are in a long term relationship. The spoiling stops and we prefer to wear our comfortable “granny pants” instead of the sexy lace lingerie he got used to seeing you with the first few months. I am not saying that this is an excuse for men to cheat, but this is one of the reasons men are unfaithful. They start looking for that spark again. Once you know that that is the problem, try your best to win your partner back.

Another way you can change in a relationship is to change your own behavior. I am not saying you should start being unfaithful too, though that may sound like an appealing option, but stop sitting at home crying and complaining to your friends about your husband and his mistress. You are only making yourself the victim. Change the game. Call those same friends up and organize a girl’s night out. Go out, have some fun. If nightlife is not your thing, join a social foundation or do nice things with your kids. Sitting at home will not make your husband less unfaithful and will not help you in any way. It will only make you depressed and look less and less appealing and it can drive your partner deeper into the tangled web of his mistress. You will notice that once you change, your partner will notice it and in many cases make him curious about the new woman you have become.
Sometimes he will even fall back in love with you.

The final option is to just accept the situation as it is. This does not mean you can sit at home and sink into depression. Accepting the situation in this case means that you accept the fact that your husband has a mistress and you learn to live with it. This is what most women who cannot, or will not, pack up and leave or do not care to win their husband back do. They can not leave because of financial reasons, or will not because they for example have young children they do not want to drag through a messy divorce. You just go about your life as if nothing is the matter, but the cheating does not hurt you anymore either.

In conclusion I can say that you should never let yourself be the victim when you are in a relationship
with someone who is unfaithful. Know that it is never your fault and take Eckhard Tolle’s advice.