Parents, especially mothers, teach their daughters to be independent women. To study hard, get a diploma (because that's your first man), get a good job and to be successful. This is being pounded in our brains from the moment we know how to use it. But we are also expected to find a good husband and have that white picket fence life. Society bombards you with both things. As a woman, to be winning in life, you need to have a fancy degree, a successful career a husband and a couple of kids. You also need to go to be pretty, healthy, in shape, go to church (or another house of prayer), have a social life, be nice to your family and in-laws ... and the list goes on and on and on. You are never perfect enough, because heaven forbid one of those items on the list is not checked off, you will be asked why you haven't achieved it at every social function. Men are taught to be strong, the providers, the protectors and are also expected to check off most of the things on the list women have. Men are, just like women, expected to have a degree, a good job (that pays a lot), get married, have a wife and kids etc.
I have a lot of male friends. Some of them are notoriously single like me, and others are in relationships or married. Some of my male friends I would never date or set up with another woman, but there are some of them ... ah well, let's just say I'd do that if I didn't value our friendship a lot. And before I write down the next thing I want to state that my opinion of their partners is not being influenced by my hormones... ok maybe a little in some cases. Women are (almost) always encouraged to talk about their feelings. They have women around them who support them and choose their side no matter what they do. Not many men have that. My male friends know that if there is something they need to talk about, I am always there. Sometimes these friends confide in me. I have a lot of respect for their relationships or marriage, but man some of these women make it hard to like them. I don't meddle in their lives and I don't like to give out relationship advice, because heck I am absolutely no expert in that field, but I listen and yes I judge and worry about them. I know, men have their flaws and can be complete assholes, but we women need to do better. Yes, before you start throwing stones at me ... there are women out there who are amazing partners, good wifes and just really good women, but some of you need a healthy reality check. I can't go into detail about the things my male friends talk to be about, but some of these stories weigh heavy on my mind. One is of a friend who was married to his high school sweetheart, stayed abstinent during their entire relationship (because the church said it had to be that way) only to be sexually rejected from day one. They have kids, don't get me started on the conception process, but he and his wife barely have a physical relationship. When he talks about it to his wife it always causes a fight because, in her words, a marriage is more than being physical. She is not giving in one inch, but heaven forbid he looks at another woman. From the outside looking in they are a perfect family, but he is truly unhappy. He doesn't want to walk away from his marriage, because well ... he wants to do right by his children and be a good dad.
Another friend knocked up a 19 year old girl. He left his girlfriend of many years to start a relationship with her, married her gave her everything she wanted and needed. She wanted to continue going to school, so he hired a nanny and a housekeeper, so she would have time to do that. Now she graduated and is building her own career. He does everything for their kids. He takes them to school and sports, cooks for them, puts them to bed at night. When he complains she accuses him of stealing the best years of her life and that it's her time to enjoy. He recently found out she is cheating on him, but he doesn't want to say anything or leave, because that would hurt his kids. He is very unhappy, but says he is willing to stay because he doesn't want his kids to grow up in a broken home.
In both of these cases I have asked my friends multiple times if they want me to have a conversation with their wives about they things they told me ... woman to woman. But I get panicked looks everytime I bring it up. And come to think of it, the women would not appreciate it and only accuse me of being jealous or wanting their man for my own and thus make the situation even worse. So I bite my tongue and keep smiling every time I meet them.
I know that a lot of men do a lot of bad things to women. I know a lot of women are being abused, both physically and mentally. There are women who suffer in relationships and marriages and women who are just really unhappy because of the things they live through on a daily basis. We talk about these women a lot. But in our efforts to support women we often overlook the men who also suffer. The men who are in relationships with bad women. They usually don't talk about their situation, because society will paint them as weak men, and nobody wants to live with that stigma. When a woman leaves a bad relationship she is perceived as strong. When a man leaves he is called weak, bad and much more. As women we know how to support each other especially in bad times. We give our friends, daughters, sister etc advice on a lot of things and we help pull other women through the hard times. Everyone knows I'm a girls girl and I support women in a lot of things, but is blindly choosing your female friends side fair? Would you call out your friends bad behavior or do you turn a blind eye when it comes to the sometimes very shitty things they do to good men?
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